Spoilers and foul language ahoy for Doomsday Clock. You’ve been warned.
I’m getting the feeling DC Comics is trying to partake in their favorite pass time yet again, and that’s ramming it up Uncle Manhammer’s bum without lube just because they can. See, I love comic books and I’m an unabashed DC fanboy. I love the history, the characters, the world they live in…when it’s done correctly, it’s a world full of excitement and danger and wonder… when it’s done poorly it’s… well, it becomes Zero Hour Crisis in Time.
I gave up for a while after the filthy drifter dumpster orgy that was The New 52 came out. My Superman was gone. Jason Todd and Arsenal were Eiffel Towering Starfire, Batman and Catwoman were hooking up on rooftops, Cyborg replaced Martian Manhunter in the Justice League, Wally West was gone…it wasn’t the same DC Universe that I’d come to know and love for the past ten years or so. And I wasn’t the only one who felt this way. The New 52 went over about as well as New Coke. So DC decided to fix things with DC Rebirth.
Rebirth was designed to fix the things about New 52 that sucked (mostly everything) and put things right again. Because that something stole ten years from the DC Universe. I think it was ten years, anyway, might have been five. In case you can’t tell, I’m writing from the gut, not research. So if I’m getting anything wrong here, Uncle Manhammer don’t really care, I’m making a point. Anyway, long story short, my Superman comes back, my Wally West comes back, and I’m interested in comics again because it’s heavily implied that Doctor Manhattan is the one who stole the time and is generally mucking with the DCU as a whole.
Yep, THAT Doctor Manhattan. The Big Blue Weiner from Watchmen.
Yep, THAT Watchmen. The standalone story that changed comics forever. One of Time Magazine’s greatest novels of the 20th Century. The same Watchmen that is the cause for a major rift between Alan Moore and DC.
Two years go by and I’ve followed the breadcrumbs which lead to Doomsday Clock. Geoff John’s sequel to Watchmen. I read the first (of twelve) issues and my interest is piqued. Rorshach is back, but not the same Rorschach, Adrian Veidt is still alive but in hiding, and they’re working together to bring Doctor Manhattan back to save their world. See, a few years ago, when Veidt had his brilliant plan of dropping an alien monster in the middle of Manhattan it united the world. Until it didn’t anymore and everyone is super pissed. Pissed enough that when we pick up the story the nukes are in flight. Watchmen World doesn’t have very long to go. I’m going to hand-wave over some stuff from the first issue here because it’s interesting and not part of my gripe against issue two, which came out this past Wednesday.
So issue two sees Rorschach, Veidt, new villains The Mime and Someone Who’s Name I Can’t Remember hop into Nite Owl’s ship and dimension hop into Gotham City. And it breaks my head. Because it’s pants-shittingly stupid for a man who’s been in hiding for years to add dimension hopping capabilities to a ship in the Watchmen universe. I don’t care that Veidt is the smartest man on their Earth… something of that nature would require resources, which I doubt he had living in Nite Owl’s old subway base, especially since he’s the most wanted man on their planet. But whatever. It’s a comic book, and they’ve already pooped in Alan Moore’s mouth just by printing the thing.
Then Veidt and Rorschach split up to find the two smartest people in the DCU… Lex Luthor and Bruce Wayne. Now, Luthor does tell Veidt his original monster plan was incredibly stupid and Rorschach eats Batman’s pancakes. Yes, I just typed that sentence. Oh, and The Comedian shows up and shoots Luthor.
I know, it’s comics. And there are ten more issues. But man, things are going to have to get a lot better if I’m expected to keep reading this. I remember watching Weekend at Bernie’s and enjoying it. A few years later, I get Weekend at Bernie’s 2. Yep, so far, Doomsday Clock is at Weekend at Bernie’s 2 level.
You can pick up these issues if you must here.